Painless Poker Review
Painless Poker addresses these sources of poker pain and more. Tommy Angelo, esteemed author of Elements of Poker, reveals extreme pain from his own life and those of seven agitated players – and shows how to end that pain. Drawing on his 20 years as a professional poker player and elite coach, Angelo demonstrates effective strategies to make.
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30 Sep
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The Amazon blurb for Tommy Angelo’s Painless Poker suggests that it’s a coaching book that will be full of tips and tricks to avoid tilt, ‘win the war of words’ and ‘steadily improve any aspect of your game’. It won’t. For all it’s marketing, it just isn’t that kind of book.
What kind of book it is exactly, is not immediately clear even on having finished it. Is it a poker book? Well, yes but... as one character (yes, there are characters) says to Tommy (yes, he appears as one of those characters):
“What you’re talking about isn’t painless poker at all, it’s painless life. You’re just using poker to entice us into listening to your spiritual drivel.”
Is it a self-help book then? Also, yes. His solution to the issue of painful poker is mindfulness and it does contain a guide to meditation. Just not in one place, or in one order. Because it’s framed within this fictional narrative in which seven players find themselves beamed into a nice little card room with Tommy where he proceeds to give them a clinic in pain and meditation.
The nearest thing I can think of is Plato’s dialogues, or Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. But with gambling instead of totalitarianism and choppers.
Pain & Gain
If there is a unifying idea in the book: pain (especially tilt) and the attempt to alleviate it.
It is also about Tommy. It is about Tommy a lot. We are given Tony’s poker autobiography, told in a frame narrative about a bad beat and a long depressed drive he took. The biographical stuff is interwoven with a fictional clinic which deals with the stuff you thought you paid your money for: poker pain, and his solution for it.
In the clinic seven tilted players are beamed in to tell their stories, have story arcs, and listen to Tommy talk about pain. Along the way Tommy instructs them on how to meditate and why to meditate, they also develop like real characters.
Despite the title, the clinic sections are not about quick fixes.
“You’re all way too screwed up for me to talk you out of your thinking problems in two days,” Tommy tells the players at one point. “If things do get better for you, it will be because of effort you put forth after we part ways.”
Cut Your Luvvies
Painless Poker is not a painless read. It is far too long and its tone becomes monotonous after about 300 pages of it. But it’s also a lot of fun – for the most part – and extremely well written for something in this genre. It inhabits an interest place formally, somewhere between fiction and self-help.
Then again, if you want to get your value from the book in knowledge, then perhaps it’s not worth the substantial cover price (£20 in hardback) since it’s content can just be boiled down to a basic introduction and defense of the secular use of meditation. Then again, if you’ve ever had an interest in mindfulness and want and starting text you may as well start here.
For the rest of you, I can only recommend it as a good read. I was entertained far more than I was edified.
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Mechanics
Rule #1: Do not move the button.
Rule #2: Post your blinds when you should.
Rule #3: When you have a live hand, place your phone face-down on the table or rail.
Rule #4: Your cards should be visible to everyone always.
Rule #5: Do not impede the dealer with your chip stack.
Rule #6: Protect your cards with your hands or a chip.
Rule #7: Do not hunch down to look at your cards, and keep your thumbs low.
Rule #8: Do not reveal your betting intentions until it is your turn.
Rule #9: Put your bets and your folded cards where the dealer can easily reach them.
Rule #10: Do not bury your large denomination chips.
Rule #11: When you change seats, cause as little disruption as possible.
Rule #12: Do not use cash to rebuy or add-on. Keep large-denomination chips on hand for that purpose. It's efficient for you, and the house, and it looks good.
Rule #13: Sit up. Ready yourself for the cards. Look strong, feel strong.
Talking
Rule #14: Behave like a guest, even if you play every day.
Rule #15: When you join a table, make your posting intentions known to the dealer.
Rule #16: Do not speak to an opponent who has a live hand unless you have a live hand.
Rule #17: When you are out of a hand, and you are talking to someone else who has folded, be courteous to those who are still in the hand, even if that means becoming suddenly silent until the betting is finished.
Rule #18: Do not gossip.
Rule #19: Do not agitate.
Rule #20: Do not talk about betting strategy.
Rule #21: When a dispute does not involve you, do not get involved.
Rule #22: When you bust out and quit, say, 'Seat open.'
Rule #23: Do not distract or abuse the dealer because (1) They are working, and (2) Dealers are people, too.
Money Makers
Rule #24: Before every hand, consciously inhale and exhale.
Rule #25: Watch every betting action of every hand.
Rule #26: Scan the stacks frequently...
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- To know who has swung which way and how far,
- To not be surprised by all-ins, and
- To refocus on the game.
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Rule #27: To see the future, observe your left-hand opponents when it is not their turn.
Mental Health
Rule #28: Do not play for more than two hours without taking a break.
Rule #29: Do not fill your gut before you play or during.
Rule #30: When you are too tired to play, don't.
At the Showdown
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Rule #31: When you show your hand, do it silently, in turn, in tempo.
Rule #32: When you muck your hand, do it silently, in turn, in tempo.
Rule #33: Do not slowroll. (Slowroll: To delay showing a hand in order to intentionally make someone think they have the winner when you know they don't.)
Rule #34: Do not slowcall. (Slowcall: To delay calling in order to intentionally make someone think they might have the winner when you know they probably don't.)
Rule #35: Do not show uncalled hands, especially bluffs.
Rule #36: Do not show pain or joy, especially when mucking.
World-class coach and author, Tommy Angelo is considered a modern master of poker's mental game, and has helped pros and rec players alike achieve less tilt and more focus. Called 'the seminal poker text of the 21st century' by The London Times, Angelo's Elements of Poker has revolutionized how serious players approach the game. His latest book, Painless Poker, already a bestseller, can be found on Amazon.com. Connect with Tommy on Twitter @TheTommyAngelo, and visit his website: tommyangelo.com.
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